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Ask Mullah

By Chris Hall
March 19, 2004
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The April, 2004 issue of Harper’s has an item titled “Mullah, May I?” which reprints several questions submitted to a South African site which gives advice to Muslims the world over about the propriety of issues that include money, politics, sex, prayer, and marriage. The questions excerpted by Harper’s are specifically drawn from the Marriage section, and at first seem to confirm our standard image of the Muslim world’s misogyny, authoritarianism, and sexual ignorance. They include:

  • Is it permissible for a man to look at his wife’s private parts including below the navel and vice versa, during intimacy? I’ve heard one can become blind. (Answer)
  • If a wife please her husband by masturbation & their private parts do not touch, is bath compulsory for her? (Answer)
  • Can we squeeze our wives breast? can we lick them and suck their nipples and have fun with their breasts? (Answer)
  • Can Muslim wife and husband kiss/suck each other body parts stronlgy? I mean whole body (breast, lips, tounge, penis, vagina) (Answer)

The list, as presented in Harper’s at first seems to invite a condescending feeling of superiority by showing the amusingly alien nature of Islamic puritanism and superstitiousness. If you keep in mind America’s own historical attitudes towards sex, health and morality, though, it makes Islam seem that much more familiar. Many of these questions have been phrased by American men and women to doctors, clergy, and writers since the days of the Pilgrims in varying forms. A lot of our contemporary debate has to do with the fact that each new generation asks them.

Browsing the website itself gives a much more nuanced, less coy vision of Islamic attitudes. In many ways, the vision is not a positive one, and does in fact comply with the puritanical, anti-sex image that we have. One of the more disturbing posts, for example, comes from a writer in the UK who asks, “Is there such a thing as rape in marriage between husband and wife ? and what evidence does a wife need to prove if so …” To this, Mufti Ebrahim Desai replies:

In Islam, there is no such thing as rape between the husband and wife. However, both spouses should be considerate to one another in their conjugal relationship. If the wife or the husband does not wish to have a relationship due to circumstances, for example, being tired, ill, etc. then that should be considered.

There are many other examples which make me really uncomfortable, and fit not at all into my ideals of egalitarianism or eroticism. But it’s also interesting to delve past the caricature and see how complicated Islamic codes on sex and the rights or responsibilities of men and women are to each other. If nothing else, both the questions and the Mufti’s answers implicitly acknowledge the importance of pleasure. And the fact that the questions are even being asked shows a much greater degree of ambiguity in Islamic attitudes towards sexuality than we see in our sound-bite media.

Reading Ask Imam doesn’t really reduce my fears or my skepticism about the mix of religion and sexuality; like mixing religion and government, it’s usually a really bad idea. In many ways, it confirms my concerns about Islam. In other words, it may not make Islam seem more benign, but it does make it seem more human. That’s something that’s been studiously buried under all the panic and hysteria of the past two years.

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Filed Under: Religion, Sex and Gender

Kissing and Pissing

By Chris Hall
March 18, 2004
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Okay, now I have to admit that this is weird and screwed-up even to my sensibilities:

According to Yahoo, the men’s room in the Virgin Airways clubhouse at JFK Airport now boasts urinals in the shape displayed above: a woman’s open lips, decorated with bright-red, fuck-me lipstick. The urinals were designed by the Netherlands company Bathroom Mania, which has a talent for making unique accessories for people to vacate their bladders and/or bowels.

The concept of wanting to pee in someone’s mouth doesn’t offend me in and of itself, actually; I’ve known people who were into piss play of one kind or another, and while not my thing, they had honest, forthright attitudes toward it that respected themselves, the act, and their partner. The word “play” in this case is key; it is an implict recognition of the difference between fantasy and reality, and the different rules that apply for each.

Virgin’s toilets are just another example of the hypocrital way that sex is expressed in the mainstream; despite getting hit by loads of sexy images every day, the effect of most of them is not to dismiss shame, or to expand our visions of sexuality. Instead, they manipulate that shame. The advertising industry hits us with millions of image that increase our desire for sex while holding it even higher out of our reach. This is what you should want to have, they tell us, but you can’t have it, because you’re too old, too ugly, too poor, too clumsy, your tits are too small, your dick won’t stay hard long enough, and whatever you do will just be a shallow imitation of what our ultra-beautiful, ultra-skinny, ultra-rich, ultra-Botoxed, ultra-Viagraed models do with each other. But it’s all right if you try; here, buy our stuff.

And similarly, I really doubt that any of Virgin’s representatives would be willing to endorse consenting adults peeing on or into each other for a little bit of fun. Their fancy toilets are just a nasty, mean-spirited joke that lets guys with too much money and attitude go through the motions while still calling other people perverts. It quite neatly combines misogyny, class privilege, and fear of sex into one great big red package.

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Filed Under: Crappy Smut, Etc., Sex and Gender

Non-Crappy Porn

By Chris Hall
November 7, 2003
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I promised that I’d provide some good sources for non-crappy porn, so here are some of my favorites:

Electra Summers: One of my big gripes with mainstream porn is the fact that it makes everyone look the same, which by definition is not sexy. For me, eroticism lies in difference and individuality of form. Electra’s been showing off a plump, zaftig form for years, and doing it with great joy and humor.

Retroraunch: One of my favorite ways to escape the monotony of the crappy porn that’s produced is to look at porn from the past. Retroraunch is a great source for smut from the past, especially the fifties and sixties.

Jane’s Guide: When all else fails, go to Jane’s Guide. Jane Duvall and her cohorts have been reviewing internet porn sites for years, separating the crap from the non-crap so that you don’t have to.

Bettie Page Shrine: Bettie Page, Queen of the Pinups. And lots of her.

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Filed Under: Non-Crappy Smut, Sex and Gender

Protection From (Crappy) Porn

By Chris Hall
November 4, 2003
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President Bush declared last week (October 26 – November 1) to be “Protection From Pornography Week,” yet another attempt to appear to be doing something about something that doesn’t need doing while not doing anything. According to Bush,

The effects of pornography are particularly pernicious with respect to children. The recent enactment of the PROTECT Act of 2003 strengthens child pornography laws, establishes the Federal Government’s role in the AMBER Alert System, increases punishment for Federal crimes against children, and authorizes judges to require extended supervision of sex offenders who are released from prison. [Read more…]

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Filed Under: Sex and Gender, Smut Tagged With: Hanne Blank, porn, Protection From Pornography Week, sex-positive

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